Yesterday I found out that a friend of mine joined "The Club". This is not a club that meets weekly to have drinks and play cards, this is not a club with dues, or officers. No, this is a club that nobody wants to belong to. It's the club of broken hearts and betrayal.
Because I am a student and teacher of philosophy I spend a lot of time pondering things. Yesterday when I heard the news my heart hurt. It often takes being in the club to want to be around other people in the club. People in the club are often sad and vulnerable and angry, especially in the beginning, and in the middle and not as often a few years later. Not exactly good times for the most part. The sucky thing about being in the club as a veteran is that you know there isn't much you can do but say "I'm sorry Honey, I love you and it really sucks". It just has to play out.
When I heard the news about this I immediately thought of the Kleshas and how for thousands of years wise people have known and tried to help us understand our suffering. When I am faced with a tough situation that brings suffering I ask myself "What Klesha applies to this situation?" If it's pain from a fight with my partner it may be all five, however primarily I may realize that my first pain seems to be from my attachment to my partner and my fear of losing my partner and the life we have and the life I thought we would have in the future. Then as I go through them I can recognize and start to deconstruct my pain and in doing so one by one I begin to process my pain.
Though no one wants to belong to the club of betrayal, or the club of having a terminal illness, or a chronic illness, a disabled child, etc... often times we have no say. The universe puts us in these situations and you have no choice but to deal with it.The silver lining is this, finding other people in the club that you can talk to and process with who offer you love and support can be very healing. They have walked the path and often you will find love in the most unexpected places.
And at the end of the day what matters is love. Not necessarily romantic love but the love from a friend, the love of self , the love a kind stranger, the love of your animals, children, family, and so on. Regardless of how much you hurt try to find your club members and get the love and support you need.